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Coming up on a milestone, weight loss has been life-changing

I can’t believe it! I’m approaching my 45th birthday in July. The thought makes me shiver. I tried to switch the “4” and “5” oppositely to a more positive number but that would make me “54.” No offense to those who are 54 years old. Nevertheless, getting old is hard to do and naturally it does happen. Like those “little” – not! – or in my case humongous grey hairs that wrap around the other hairs to suck out the last breath of whatever color was once there! Wow, all that for a grey hair – so just call me “stripe.”

Then again – I could look at the positive attributes for my age. My bariatric surgery has changed my numbers to save my life. Some numbers I like more than others. I like my cholesterol number – about 40 points lower than average. My other cholesterol numbers are picture perfect. That is a far cry from say two years ago. My blood pressure is great. The only number that I’m having issues with is low glucose. It is getting better through ramping up my protein level.

In recollection for the past 16 years, I’ve done what millions of Americans have done with their weight and health. In the beginning of my diet years, I tried just about every diet known to man. They ranged from “low fat” to the full moon diet (ha ha) – just to show the hundreds of ways to lose a pound. I have also had guilt and shame especially with either a voracious appetite or one starving with emotion. These feelings of discontentment have led me to say, “I look fat and my stomach looks like it is birthing an alien baby.” I have also been known to say “exercise is impossible – especially with my arthritis.”

It is like a roller coaster – the ups and downs of losing and gaining. The scariness of opening your eyes and the confidence to keep them open while “flying” on the ride … then you barf on the people behind you. Scary and messy ride, huh? That is my journey – how ’bout yours?

My choice was to have bariatric surgery – not for everyone. It is not for the faint hearted. My life is forever changed good and bad. Good – like my numbers. Bad – drinking that crappy protein shake on a daily basis. Bad – wanting to eat more and getting sick when trying to. Good – the weight loss (down to 199 pounds) – Yippee! Good – shopping on regular sales racks to fit into bling jeans. Bad – I do feel able to exercise more – despite the arthritis. So far – the “goods” have it.

It definitely depends on your needs and wants and what you are willing to commit to. Sometimes it is a good thing and some things don’t work out as well for everyone.

You know, I’m not going to worry about what lies ahead for me. Surgeries nor fears of results and the pressure thereof … nope … not in my time – otherwise you’re screwed! Speaking of screws … I found out recently that I have a screw loose. Not in my head as most of you would venture to guess. Remember that ankle fusion I had? Yep, that’s the one. No wonder why I had pain in my ankle.

Yes, I realize I wasn’t going to fret about the future – but I am scared. I am scared of this impending surgery for removing these two screws and a bone chip. I remember everything about the fusion and I am afraid. At least I will be on crutches – because I can hold my weight better and the circumstances surrounding the recovery time are better, too. It will get better … I do believe.

I found an old poem I wrote about my body image – I thought it was appropriate.

“Am I beautiful? I asked. To find the answer is the task. What do you think? A voice I heard back. It was the strength and courage for me, I would lack. I looked deep within my heart and soul; looking over every zit and every mole. Then, I looked deep into my eyes; that there is beauty no matter the size.”

I thought that poem was perfect for a great run of this column. In its duration I’ve experienced great joy laying my guts and heart out to the community. It has helped me immensely and saved me several thousand dollars in therapy. I hope it has helped some of you, too. Thank you so much for reading. Best wishes in all your weight loss, healthy dreams and accomplishments.

Casi Stewart can be reached at casichilstew@yahoo.com. Her column occasionally appears Mondays on Life.

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