EVE knows leaving an abuser can turn violent
By Connie Cartmell, ccartmell@mariettatimes.comFact Box
Warning signs
Control issues begin to escalate.
You feel like you are "walking on egg shells" all the time.
Alcohol may increasingly be involved and plays a part.
He knows that you are trying to leave (the most dangerous time of all).
You feel alone with no options.
You fear that telling family members may put them in danger, too.
What to do
Call EVE Inc. hotline (374-5819, 1-800-974-3111) immediately and talk to someone about your current situation.
Develop a personal "safety plan" with the help of the EVE staff.
Seek shelter with EVE immediately if you fear for your safety or for your children's safety.
Source: EVE Inc.
For two local women, each living on opposite sides of Washington County, Tuesday was a terrible, traumatic and, for one, a deadly day.
Susan I. Lawson of New Matamoras was reportedly stabbed by her ex-boyfriend, Thaddeus J. Salomon, early Tuesday morning. Amber L. Wesley, 21, was found dead in the house she shared with her boyfriend, Noal Quattlebaum, who is accused of killing her.
Incidents of domestic abuse, in general, have not been unusually high so far this summer, according to Annelle Edwards, co-director of EVE Inc., a shelter for survivors of domestic violence. But when two such violent attacks happen so close to home and are in the news, women who may be on the edge of leaving a spouse or boyfriend because of abuse may be made even more afraid to leave, she said.
"Leaving abuse is the most dangerous time of all," Edwards said. "When the abuser knows you plan to leave, that's the time you need to get to a shelter quickly."
There are things that can be done, plans that can be made with help of EVE staff to provide safety and lessen the chances of bodily harm, Edwards said.
"We encourage women to call us as soon as possible. In any relationship, they know that guy's behavior and when it is time to seek safety," she said.
The first step is a "safety plan." EVE staff works with women to develop a plan that works for them. Each plan is different, individual, and may involve transportation, children, work issues - but the safety plan itself is essential, Edwards said.
Experts say a woman who fears or anticipates imminent physical abuse should seek help immediately. It may not be the best plan to first flee to a friend or relative, unless this is a place the abuser will not approach.
"At the shelter, it is safer and more secure," Edwards said. "The shelter gives the woman time to plan and to be safe. We can talk through it."
There is no evidence the women attacked Tuesday were planning to leave, but Lawson had recently told Salomon to move out.
"I've had two of my clients killed and both were leaving the abuse situation," said Robin Bozian, Marietta attorney and member of the EVE board of directors for 27 years. "Get someplace safe."
Sometimes it may be a friend or relative's house, Bozian said.
"I don't try to suppose what will be the best safety plan," she said. "For some, there is nobody. That's why we have the shelter."
A woman may even fear the shelter because her abuser may have told her he knows where it is located and he will find her.
"We have a network of shelters where there is safety for her," said Bozian, who is also a member of the Ohio Supreme Court domestic violence advisory committee and a member of the Center for Prevention of Domestic Violence.
Always make certain that when you call EVE Inc. you are calling from a place of safety, she advises.
"The first thing I will ask is, 'where are you now and where is he?' This is very important," she said. "It's always good to just call and talk."
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KarenGumm
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07-24-08 8:53 AM
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I looked Eve, Inc up on the internet and they have a site there that will show people what they need to do and where to get help. Not so much where the safe houses are, but how to reach them, so they can help. My sister died after being abused and neglected. The abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can be mental. I begged and begged her to go, but she didn't. I live 500 miles from Marietta and there was only so much I could do from here.
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Johanna
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07-24-08 12:57 AM
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Does the Sheriff's Dept. or Police Dept. refer victims of Domestic Violence or c/o, that they receive to Eve?
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Johanna
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07-24-08 12:55 AM
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Where do you donate to EVE? How do you get in touch when you are in need of help or advice? What does Eve need for donations, aside of monetary donations
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KarenGumm
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07-23-08 1:29 PM
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Anyone can help EVE Inc. I do so by sending them cell phones as I replace or update mine. They ran a story awhile back telling folks what they could donate to help out. I just wish my sister had gone to them when she was going through it.
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