Oops! I guess the prior weeks of emotional overheating have taken its toll. These last two weeks have been filled with temptations, injuries and some 'depression.' Truth be told, I did not go to exercise enough as I would have liked. If my recollection serves me correctly, I think I went swimming twice. Why? I admit it, I am lazy. Just the sheer notion of setting my alarm and getting out of my cozy bed just does not make me a happy camper. The trek to the gym/pool does not appeal to me either. However, once I have arrived to this destination, the notion of exercising seems less intimidating.
What seems like a lifetime ago, when I lost that initial 140 pounds or so were wonderful memories (except when I gained those blasted 80 pounds back). I remember those times when I took out my frustrations in exercising at the gym or the pool. I really miss those times when I had that inward drive to get my lazy self out of bed in order to lose weight. I, also, enjoyed that inspiration and confidence and the belief in myself that I could permanently lose weight. So, I wonder, why can't I do it again?
Although it seems that my words do not always constitute proper actions. I may say "yes, I really, really want to lose weight," but becoming a reality is a different story. There are so many different variables that I have to consider making my weight loss permanent. Like I have said before ... there really should not be any excuses ... but we all have them.
Those excuses can range from the following: temptations, injuries, mood, laziness, and even keeping the status quo all play that integral part with detrimental weight results. These past two weeks were the epitome of all excuses. I feel like a poster child for stagnant weight results.
I'll remark on some of these even though they all have consequences. Within the temptation issue, I went out to dinner several times these past couple of weeks. Theoretically, it is possible to order something without sauces or to have something grilled or whatever. It is so easy to say, "Wow, Chinese or Italian food sounds wonderful today." So guess what? I went to have Chinese food. So, my consequences were blame and guilt. Mostly guilt.
So, therefore, goes the cyclical effect of certain feelings or actions. Temptations lead to guilt. Guilt leads to sadness. Sadness leads to laziness and so forth. Well, like I have also said before, consequences can lead to motivation and turning that negative into a positive.
I was so frustrated with myself. I'm pretty sure I gained weight these past two weeks. Not only did I have those nasty temptations, I had some new injuries that certainly played a significant part in hampering my efforts. One of the main reasons to lose weight, in the first place, is I desperately need ankle fusion surgery. I do not want it because I'm scared and I remember what it was like to try to get around being 400 pounds.
I did weigh myself this time, but I weighed myself on a different scale. Unfortunately, it seems that no two scales are the same. Personally, I prefer the one that offers me the better weight loss. The scale (at my parents' place) shows my weight to be about 311 pounds. That is an increase in 6 pounds. I don't think that the weight gain is accurate. Now, I am sure that I did gain, but I don't think it is 6 pounds.
I know I can make my weight loss permanent. I can do it, I know I can. I just need to make that decision ... do I want to stay at home eating bonbons or get moving and eating something more nutritious?
I have that ankle fusion surgery practically staring in my face. I do not have the luxury of wasting my time despite being in pain. There are ups and downs to every journey. Help me "Mid-Ohio Valley" but not giving up on me! Like I said, I've lose weight before ... I can do it again!
Casi Stewart can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. A Weighty Issue appears every other Monday on Life.