I am a seer, the Rainbow Sage. Today is Election Day and my heart is full of joy in knowing the results that will be announced later tonight. Last week (assuming it was printed) I promised an earthshaking prediction about the presidential election of 2016. I said it would broaden the smiles of many while leaving 47 percent in a silent, jaw-dropping, mass hallucinatory moment of inevitability.
Even more, via the Internet this prediction will cross the nation and circle the globe convincing billions that the future works for us, when we choose it so. This prediction is so unifying, so common sense, so persuadable that it cannot help but to become true in a mass moment of "why didn't I think about it".
Of course, this prediction hinges on tonight's results. The polls and pundits have been telling you it's tight. I say it won't even be close and President Obama will win again by at least three points. Here's why.
I believe in the goodness of America. I believe that it will always triumph over evil when America is what it was intended to be. The standard election model of 45 percent Republican, 45 percent Democrat, and 10 percent of misinformed, ill-informed and uninformed voters making the final decision will not hold tonight.
No. I believe there are many good-hearted, freedom loving Republicans who will cross the line to finally bring the change we can all believe in. No reasonable person will dispute that the beginning of this millennium was like entering a whole new Dark Age. And while many rabid partisans, the self-proclaimed faithful, and the totally ignorant may embrace the Devil's work, true Americans will not.
I particularly liked the quote of the 70-year-old lifelong Republican in the Columbus Dispatch. "They handed Obama an economy that was on the skids. All Bush thought about was war and I'm afraid Romney is going to do the same thing." I'm guessing that man watches more than just Fox News and understands that 17 of 24 neo-con advisors to Bush-Cheney are now used by Romney.
So are you ready now for the big news? Here it comes. Newly elected President Obama will sleep in the White House until the year 2025. Newspaper headlines the day after the 2016 election will read "Obama Defeats Bush."
Now before you go jumping off the deep end, ask yourself. Have I sounded like a moron so far? Yes, I know of term limits. After all I am a Sage for Pete's Sake, and a particularly politically savvy one at that.
Let me put it a different way. President Obama was the first black president and the first president to vote absentee. His wife was the first First Lady to vote absentee. And his wife, Michelle Obama, will be the first black woman president, the 45th president of the United States of America defeating Jeb Bush in a landslide.
Whoa, whoa! Hold that thunderous applause. Do I have it, or what! Let me glow in the moment.
It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? In the ever increasing challenges to our future, the 45th president will have had "on the job" training for eight years. When she gets that 3 a.m. phone call, the 44th president will be in bed beside her to help answer. What do we do now?
Michelle Obama has already been called the most influential person in the White House. And she has yet to find out how much that will really mean in the end. I'm talking Supreme Court nominations for the next 12 years. I'm talking women's advocacy on a new balanced scale, not just in America but around the globe. I'm talking banishing the evil deeds that men do for a very long time.
And to think it was brought to you by two black people that started with little, working their way up the American ladder. Relax. Enjoy the show. There is good reason why black people are said to be full of soul.
Jeffrey Woollard lives in Lowell.