This happened the night of Dec. 6 at 2:10 a.m.: You two guys on Archers Fork Road know who you are, so we won't say any names. You drove into a field by my trailer to spotlight the deer standing there eating and when you got spotted right back, you got hung up in the mud and couldn't get away. Maybe the buddy riding with you should buy you a new set of tires for that blue 4x4 and, by the way, you should look at how close you were to backing into the creek, that was back full, after you had already backed into the tree. Of course the can of beer you each had in your hands might have had something to do with how brave you both were to come right up on my porch and yanking on my storm door, calling me all kinds of four-letter words for spotting you and you were screaming it was your property, and then the other one was screaming the same thing. Well, whose property was it really? It belongs to the grandfather. You both were so drunk you didn't know where you were at and you were told to get off of my porch, as you were trespassing and I had to shut my inside door, because I was afraid you were going to break the lock on my storm door and I didn't know whether you had a gun on you or not and I was talking on the phone with a deputy at the sheriff's office. Boy, you really have some nerve. You then drove your buddy home, drunk and all driving, and then you went and hid your truck like the coward you are and the deputy couldn't find you. Your buddy told the deputy you came to my door to ask why I spotted you with a light. Wonder why. The last I knew it was against the law to drink and drive, to poach deer, to trespass on someone's property and to try and break into someone's home. Well, thanks to the deputy taking 45 minutes to get to my house and he believes your lies, you got away with it. I hope your parents and grandparents are real proud of you.
Oh, by the way guys, the deer laughed all the way home at the great white deer hunters that got caught spotlighting and couldn't get a deer the right way. Santa Claus says you can't ride with him on Christmas Eve, as you throw too many beer cans out and he might get caught for littering and have to go to the pokie, and for you who don't know what that word means, it means to go straight to jail ... and guys, the deer also say that it was like watching the movie Dumb and Dumber and that it didn't take a big college education to outsmart you. The deer also says while both of you have egg on your face, they are still enjoying their corn.
Have a Merry Christmas deputy and you did a really great job and, by the way, don't call me for a donation for the sheriff's department, as all you wouldn't get is a cold!
You might also think about it before you go to someone's door again, about what is behind the door and it won't be a deer!