Talking to someone not named LeBron

Instead of the “usual suspects,” like LeBron James, Steph Curry, Steve Kerr, and Tyronn Lue, in the postgame media room, let’s hear what Kendrick Perkins might say at the podium:

Reporter: Kendrick, I’m Freddy from Fly-By-Night Sports News Services. And, before we get started, I’d like to tell you that you’re my favorite all-time NBA player.

Perkins: Are you kidding me?

Reporter: Yep. (much laughter in the room)

Reporter: Seriously, though, Kendrick, I like your suit. But do you really think you could’ve guarded Steph (Curry) in it the other night at The Oracle?

Perkins: (Snarling) I was inactive.

Reporter: Oh, but you were pretty active on the bench, weren’t you?

Perkins: (words unintelligible)

Reporter: Are you in a bad mood?

Perkins: What do you care?

Reporter: Do you think Steph should’ve been called for a technical foul when he inadvertently backed into your left knee near the end of the third quarter?

Perkins: This conversation is going nowhere.

Reporter: Let me ask you this then. Do you believe in Bigfoot?

Perkins: What team does he play for?

(much laughter in the room)

Reporter: He kind of looks like Chewbacca.

Perkins: Oh, I know who he (Chewy) is. (True story: Kevin Love showed Perkins a picture of Chewy when the Cavs played the Boston Celtics.)

Reporter: Getting back to this, the NBA Finals. Who would win a street brawl between Tristan Thompson and Draymond Green?

Perkins: For crying out loud, c’mon.

Reporter: Well, Green seems to think you would be a cheerleader for Thompson at the fight. Green said he would even bring the pom poms for you.

Perkins: (words unintelligible)

Reporter: The other night (Sunday), Golden State got off to a real good start, dunks and easy layups. What did that look like from the Cleveland bench?

Perkins: Don’t blame the defense.

Reporter: Do you think the Cavs are going to win a game in the Finals?

Perkins: You play to win the game. Hello.

Reporter: Kendrick, if you want, you can bring a date to the next press conference.

Perkins: Why would I want to do that?

Reporter: Well, who knows, it might be the first action you’ll get in the NBA Finals.

(much laughter in the room)

Perkins: (words unintelligible)

Ron Johnston is a Marietta Times sports writer, and can be reached at rjohnston@mariettatimes.com