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No man is an island; we interact with many people over the course of a lifetime. Most folks, however, leave no lasting footprints in our lives. We appreciate the skill of our dog groomer or our doctor, enjoy joking with the grocery cashier, and fall in love with our 2nd grade teacher. But as the years pass, these interactions fade into memory and the memories get lost in the clutter of time.
Two groups of people, however, leave a lasting impression in our lives: Those who hurt us, and those who love us.
Some who hurt us intend the hurt. Some are mean people who seem to enjoy creating havoc in other's lives, and the cuts they inflict leave scars for a lifetime. Other folks hurt us accidentally. On a bad day we become the target for their frustration or the collateral damage from their mistake. Still others would say that they hurt us because they love us--that they hurt us for own good. They made us acknowledge a truth we didn't want to hear, warned us about a serious error in judgment or corrected our misbehavior. But even if they meant well and did it in love, it still hurt.
Fortunately, people who love us also leave lasting footprints in our life. The grandmother who was such a great example. The teacher who provided encouragement and insight at just the right moment to change the direction of a life. The friend who stuck by when the world walked out.
In Matthew 22:36-39 (NIV), Jesus pointed to the most important commandments: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself." While the folks who hurt us and the folks who love us make up two very different groups, Jesus made no distinction when he commanded "Love your neighbor as yourself." How does that work?
In his book, Christian, It's Not What You Think, Andy Stanley answers that question using 3 principles that Paul taught the church in Corinth. (See 1 Corinthians 8-10.)
First, understand that Jesus considered it normal and healthy for us to love ourselves; we're to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. It's okay to accept compliments and enjoy the approval of those who love us. It's also okay to distance ourselves from hurtful people. Loving involves looking out for others' best interest; it doesn't require intentionally exposing ourselves to needless pain over and over. Each of us needs a realistic view of our spiritual strength, so that we don't allow someone to lead us into evil. Each of us also needs to practice forgiveness, of others and of self, so that we don't forever carry the hurt or guilt that someone laid on us.
Second, loving people carefully avoid hurting others unnecessarily. Loving people recognize the consequences of their words and example. Loving people rein in their freedoms and curtail their rights in consideration of others. For example, in an election year, not every political opinion needs to be aired. Loving people cast their vote to let their voice be heard, but they understand that pushing a political opinion outside of the ballot box often results in arguments and anger. Just because you have freedom to do or say something doesn't mean that you should! When possible, loving people avoid conflict and misunderstanding. When preacher Rich Warren was warned that his long hair might offend a congregation where he was asked to be a guest speaker, Warren cut his hair. No one made him do that, but Warren wanted to avoid trouble.
The last principle looks at the other side of the coin: Along with avoiding trouble, loving people try to bless the lives of others. When loving people see a need in the life of an enemy, they overcome evil with good, following the Apostle Paul's instruction in Romans 12:20, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Loving people express their gratitude for the value others bring into their lives. Loving people consider others' needs; they go out of their way to help and bless.
Jesus said, "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." What do folks know about you?