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In her book, Up With Worship, Anne Ortlund compares the average church to a bag of marbles, rubbing together and making a little bit of noise, but not really connecting to one another. Ortlund says the Bible's image of fellowship is actually a lot more like a bunch of grapes being mashed together to make a great-tasting wine.
Modern society often resists connection. Americans have moved from front porch swings and visiting neighbors to back decks and privacy fences. Digital communication often replaces face-to-face encounters. Several years ago, I walked through a youth classroom on my way to an adult class. Three of the teens were sitting in the room, texting. I said, "Why don't you try talking." "We are," they replied, "we're texting each other." Three teenagers sitting in the same room chose to communicate by text, rather than by simply talking to one another.
COVID made things worse. For a year Americans were counseled to maintain social distance, avoid crowds, and wear masks. Every personal encounter seemed risky, and the more fearful among us wrapped themselves in a protective cocoon, staying home and avoiding all but the most necessary contact. This resulted in what many professionals described as a mental health crisis. A Federal emergency hotline reported a 1000% increase in the number of mental health calls from the year before COVID, and Talkspace, an online therapy provider, experienced a 65% increase in their client base in the first two month's time after the pandemic began. Isolation isn't good for humanity and that shouldn't be new information. In Genesis 2:18 (NIV), God saw Adam in the Garden of Eden and "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." God resolved the problem by making a woman, and humanity has been together ever since. People need one another.
Want some more evidence? Researcher Lyle Schaller questioned over 400 church dropouts to find out why they left their church. 75% reported that they left "because I didn't feel like anyone cared." People need that sense of belonging, of being important to others. When that's missing, people will go elsewhere seeking connection.
The biblical author of Hebrews addresses this issue in Hebrews 10:24-25: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." In those two verses the Hebrew writer touches on our ability to encourage, inspire and even "provoke" one another, using a word that carries the idea of "sharp disagreement." Sometimes we even need folks who are blunt and brutal enough speak the truth and hold us accountable when we have a bad attitude or our actions aren't Christlike.
If finding that connection is so important to our mental and spiritual health (There are physical effects of loneliness that deserve consideration, too, but that's for another day.), then how can we form tight bonds with others? Connection will require some effort on our part, including a willingness to be transparent about our own issues and feelings. Well-known preacher Rick Warren says there are 3 groupings in most churches - the congregation, the small group (around 20 people in a Sunday School class or choir) and the smallest group, which Warren calls a "circle." A circle consists of 8-14 people with whom one interacts regularly. In this circle, people grow closer as they share life, learning about one another's strengths, weaknesses, sorrows, joys and concerns. Anyone who wants to "do life together" will need to find their circle and open up enough to let others in the group know what's happening in their life. Taking that risk can pay off in rich, rewarding relationships, providing the assurance that one does indeed "matter" to others.
On July 19, 1996, Chad Kreuter, a reserve catcher for the Chicago White Sox was injured in a collision at home plate, fracturing a shoulder. Kreuter was placed on the 60-day disabled list. During that 60 days, Kreuter's teammates wore the #12 on their caps, reminding everyone that they still considered Kreuter to be an important member of the team, even while he was sidelined because of injury. When Kreuter returned to the team, he put the numbers of each of his teammates on his own cap as an expression of thanks for their support. That's what it means to belong!