By Mark Wilmoth

Bestselling author and organizational psychologist Adam Grant drew a flood of comments recently when he shared an Instagram post encouraging parents to wait until their children were in high school before giving the kids a smartphone. Grant, a professor at the highly respected Wharton School of Business, pointed to the experiences of his own family along with a new report that may show a negative correlation between mental health and getting a smart phone earlier in life. The report, released by psychologist Jean Twenge of San Diego State University, noted a marked decrease in the number of teens who describe themselves as “happy” that begin in 2012, at the same time that smart phone use tipped over 51% in America. (Clarification: Smart phones access social media and the internet; simple cell phones can be given to children to keep them in contact with family, but those don’t allow internet access.) Twenge noted that “iGen” teens and young adults, those born between 1995 and 2012, spend less time with friends, are in no hurry to learn to drive, date less and are more likely to report feeling lonely and experiencing sleep problems.

In a related study, researchers at the University of North Carolina using MRI scans reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association that teens who frequently use social media “were more likely to see increased activation in the regions of the brain that regulate reward centers and that may also play a role in decision-making around social situations,” resulting in the young people possibly being “more prone to peer feedback and hypersensitivity and possibly leading to changes in impulse control and regulation.”

After the UNC study was released, the American Psychological Association issued recommendations to help teenagers use social media safely. The APA recommended controlling screen time based on a child’s age and maturity and stated that “children should be…monitored for problematic social media use, including interference with normal routines, choosing social media over in-person interactions, lack of physical activity, and strong cravings to check social media and lying to spend more time online.”

With those highly-regarded, scientifically-based voices recommending that parents exercise caution regarding teens’ smartphone usage, one might think that Grant’s comment about waiting until high school before supplying a smartphone would have been met with cheers of agreement – and it was. But there were also many angry dissenting voices. Numbers of parents expressed disagreement and frustration with Grant’s recommendation.

One commented: “Great, another thing to shame parents and make them feel bad about themselves. Why don’t we focus on learning more about mental health issues and how to support those suffering from it rather than blaming parents for letting their child have too much screen time so the holdout parents can feel superior?”

Let’s explore that comment. Note that it (selfishly) focuses on the feelings of the parent who doesn’t want to feel “shamed.” The parent then suggests that it’s better to help those suffering from mental illness (reactive) rather than taking steps like limiting screen time that could prevent the problem before it develops (proactive).

Instead of hearing Grant’s recommendation as a positive approach endorsed by a respected mental health practitioner, the parent dismisses Grant as a “holdout parent” (one who didn’t go along with society’s norm of providing smartphones to children) who wants to “feel superior.”

That parental attitude isn’t unusual and the fallout isn’t limited to cell phone use. Parents who can’t say “no” to their children may find themselves providing drugs or alcohol to underage children or endorsing sexual behavior by unwed teenagers. Unable to be the “holdout parent,” these adults enable their children’s misbehavior.

In Proverbs 29:15 (NIV), the Bible encourages parents to set boundaries for children based on a long-term view. The proverb reads, “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.” Rather than worrying about whether or not we make our kids happy by our decisions, God expects parents to think about their children’s lifelong welfare.

A retired Army Chief Master Sergeant, father to 3 young adults, won my respect years ago when he told one of his children who was complaining about a decision that he’d made, “I don’t care if you like me right now. You’re not supposed to like me. I’m not your friend; I’m your Dad!”

Now those kids are adults; they are his friends and they’re grateful for the limits their Dad enforced.

Mark Wilmoth is with Pinehurst Christian Church in Marietta and can be reached at www.PinehurstChristianChurch.org