By Mark Wilmoth

In her book, No Ordinary Time, author Doris Kearns Goodwin tells about Franklin Roosevelt’s handling of World War II and its effect on Roosevelt at a personal level. Goodwin notes that Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt’s marriage changed dramatically after Roosevelt admitted to an affair with Eleanor’s personal secretary, Lucy Mercer, in 1918. After that, the Roosevelts were political partners only; their marriage was dead. Later, as WWII progressed, Roosevelt felt the stress and needed the support of his wife, but in 1942, when Franklin asked Eleanor to come to the White House and live with him, she refused. Franklin Roosevelt died in April 1945, a victim of both the lingering effects of polio and the stress of war. After the funeral, Eleanor told their son, Elliott, “I should have tried harder to help him through that awful war. If only I had found the courage to talk to Franklin as I wanted to. I could have said, ‘Let’s bury this whole matter and begin over again.’ I ought to have done that when I said I would, but I left it until it was too late.”

“Too late.” Words of regret. Marriages collapse, friends separate, siblings go for years without speaking to one another, churches split, and wars begin because someone waited too long to forgive, the window of opportunity closed and now it’s “too late.”

It need not end that way. In Matthew 18:15(NIV), Jesus said, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” Rather than putting things off, avoiding the confrontation and allowing the wound to fester and rot, go talk about the problem and try to get it resolved. And if it doesn’t work the first time, keep talking. Jesus acknowledges that it may take more than one attempt when he continues in verse 16: “But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.”

So go and have that talk. Don’t delay.

Do it for the sake of the other person. After all, if they don’t know or understand how they’ve offended and see the hurt they’ve caused, they’ll probably repeat the behavior. Steve Goldsmith, former Director of the Los Angeles County Victims Offender Restitution Program reported a 50% reduction in recidivism when offenders met with their victims. Talking through what had happened, seeing the wrong that was done and the repercussions it caused, became a powerful motivator for offenders not to repeat their behavior.

Do it for your own sake. The most powerful person in your life is the person you refuse to forgive. In not resolving the situation, you’re allowing the offender to live in your head and exert control over your happiness and peace of mind.

In 1982, Steve Watt, a Wyoming Highway Patrol officer, stopped Mark Farnham right after Farnham had robbed a bank. Farnham jumped out of his car and fired his gun at Watt, striking Watt 5 times, four shots at point-blank range. Watt returned fire, wounding Farnham. In court, Farnham was sentenced to a 55-75 year prison term, in reality a life sentence. A few weeks after the incident, Watt had physically recovered from his injuries and was back on patrol.

Watt’s physical recovery, however, was not accompanied by a return to psychological health. Watt almost shot an innocent motorist who was merely reaching for his wallet. He found himself constantly angry and his marriage was affected. Counseling didn’t help. Miriam Watt warned her husband that if he was ever to find peace, it would be by confronting and forgiving Mark Farnham.

So in 1986, Steve Watt attended a revival service as part of a prison ministry program, and he spotted Mark Farnham across the room. Watt approached Farnham, hugged him and said, “I’m glad I didn’t kill you.” The two men struck up a conversation and, eventually, the men became good friends. In fact, when Watt ran for Governor of Wyoming in 2002, he said that if he won the election, one of his first acts would be to free Mark Farnham from prison. Steve Watt found peace by letting go of his anger and extending forgiveness.

Is there a conflict or a hurt in your life that needs to be resolved? Go, have the conversation. Now’s the time. Tomorrow may be too late.

Mark Wilmoth is with Pinehurst Christian Church in Marietta. For more information about Pinehurst Christian Church, visit www.PinehurstChristianChurch.org