When a group recites the Lord’s prayer together, the group leader may say, “Let’s use ‘trespasses” or “Let’s use ‘debts,” as in “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”

Both words work, but in Matthew’s account of the Lord’s prayer (Matthew 6:9-13), Jesus used the word “debts.”

“Debts” reminds us that we owed God obedience and He didn’t get it. We abandoned His path and struck out on our own. Maybe it’s easier to understand this principle if we think about someone whose actions or words wounded deeply. They “owe” us. They have taken something of great value from us, perhaps our peace, our security, reputation, self-assurance, or even something more concrete like our health or possessions.

Debts can be handled in only two ways. Debts may be paid, or they can be written off – forgiven. Forgiving a debt doesn’t mean that the debt didn’t exist; If it didn’t, there would be nothing to forgive. Forgiving the debt doesn’t mean that the debt isn’t large or significant. In fact, it may have to be forgiven because the debt is too large to ever be paid off!

In his book Don’t Let the Jerks Get the Best of You, psychologist Paul Meier contends that 95% of depression arises from jerk abuse – repressed anger over the hurt that some jerk caused or anger at yourself because you allowed yourself to become a victim. A jerk made you lose your job or cheated you out of a promotion. A jerk stole your innocence and molested you. A friend turned out to be the jerk who destroyed your trust. Now, they owe you an explanation, an apology, and they ought to pay!

Here’s the problem: They CAN’T pay, even if they want to! There’s no “undo” button for psychological trauma. No one can turn back the clock and prevent the wrong from happening. You could try to “get even,” but revenge will never satisfy. They could apologize and even try to correct the wrong, but your mind always remembers. The only real solution is to forgive. Acknowledge that the debt is real and that debtor can never pay and choose to cancel their debt.

Before deciding that it’s unrealistic to expect forgiveness or turning away in disgust, hear me out. Remember that 95% of depression stems from repressed anger over perceived hurts. So, in reality, to choose not to forgive is to choose to remain locked in pain. No, they don’t deserve forgiveness, but you don’t deserve to carry that pain forever! Letting them off the hook means letting yourself off the hook, too.

Max Lucado (in Max on Life), illustrates this by telling of a note he received from an angry parent after preaching on forgiveness: “I believed in forgiveness until our ex-son-in-law broke our daughter’s heart. He cheated on her. He dropped her, and is now demanding custody of our grandchild. Forgiveness? Not likely!”

Lucado responded, “Some time ago I was speaking about anger at a men’s gathering. I described resentment as a prison and pointed out that when we put someone in our cell of hatred, we are stuck guarding the door. After the message, a man introduced himself as a former prison inmate. He described how the guard at the gate of a prison is even more confined than the prisoner. The guard spends his day in a four-by-five-foot house. The prisoner has a ten-by-twelve-foot cell. The guard can’t leave, the prisoner gets to walk around. The prisoner can relax, but the guard has to be constantly alert. You might object and say, “Yes, but the guard of the prison gets to go home at night.” True, but the guard of the prison of resentment doesn’t.

Consider: The person who holds the most power over your life is the person whose debt of sin you refuse to forgive. Yes, they did you wrong. Yes, they hurt you in unimaginable ways. Yes, they owe you big time! But if you don’t forgive that debt, then you keep yourself penned up in the guard shack.

And then there’s the rest of Jesus’ prayer: “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” If you have any uncertainty about the meaning, just read verses 14-15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Let it go.