Between 1970 and 2000, over 15,000 “scholarly” articles appeared in journals and magazines about self-esteem in children and its relationship to career achievement, educational success, sexuality, relationships and every other possible area of life. The articles significantly impacted parents, teachers, coaches and others who worked with children. Youth leagues made sure that every child received at least a trophy for participation. Parents praised their children and disciplined their kids in “positive” ways. Educators had second thoughts about holding children back and the negative social and psychological impact that might have on their students. A generation of young people learned to think that they were special. In fact, Generation Y, which grew up during those years, has been described as “self-centered” and “arrogant.” MSNBC reported that “many experts say today’s kids are ruder than ever” and Psychologist Jean Twenge of San Diego State University, along with 4 other researchers, said, “Today’s college students are more narcissistic and self-centered” than their predecessors.

All of that push for self-esteem not only spoiled kids, but wasn’t even based on good science. A 2003 study done for the Association of Psychological Science by Dr. Roy Baumeister, found that only 200 of those 15,000 studies met rigorous scientific standards. After reviewing the 200 scientifically valid studies, Baumeister concluded that high self-esteem didn’t improve grades or career achievement, nor did it reduce alcohol usage or lessen one’s propensity to be violent. Baumeister, who up until that time had been a strong proponent of the self-esteem movement, called the results “the biggest disappointment of my career.” Simply stated, praising a child to make them feel “special” isn’t healthy or useful.

There’s a better way. A balanced sense of self-worth or self-esteem centers on who one is in the sight of God. Human worth doesn’t come from performance or positive feedback; it should come from the knowledge that each of us is really special, created in the image of God himself (Genesis 1:26). David emphasizes this point when he writes in Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV), “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” David understood that his self-worth flowed out of his relationship with God.

Knowing one’s worth in God’s eyes really helps. One survey asked questions of eighth graders to measure their level of self-esteem. The study concluded that those with religious involvement had a greater sense of self-worth. In fact, after reviewing the study, the American Psychological Association said that it “revealed a statistically very significant overall effect of religious involvement on self-esteem.” Interestingly, the researchers also hypothesized that religious activities probably help build self-esteem because religious activity is often something a family does together, giving a nod to the impact that parents make on their children’s self-worth.

Finding self-worth in one’s relationship with God rules out arrogance and selfishness. The Bible teaches that we are special because we are created in God’s image and bear His likeness. But it also confronts our sin (and we’re all sinners! – Romans 3:23). The Bible reminds us that we don’t deserve to go Heaven, it’s God’s gift to believers in spite of our sin. The Bible also cautions us that we must always be considerate of others; life isn’t all about us! The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Notice Paul’s words. Instead of focusing on self-worth, “value others above yourselves.”

So, if you really want to feel better about yourself, then stop thinking so much about yourself. Get close to God and stay there. Clean up your life, treat others with respect and curb sin so that you won’t constantly feel guilty. Practice the golden rule and treat others the way you want to be treated. Then you can shave or apply makeup to that face staring back at you in the mirror without feeling shame. You’ll find quiet peace in those eyes in the mirror.

Mark Wilmoth is with Pinehurst Christian Church in Marietta. For more information regarding Pinehurst Christian Church, visit www.PinehurstChristianChurch.org