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Tehran's daily newspaper, Mardomsalari, reported in September 2004 on the trial of a man accused of beating his wife. The court ordered the man to stop beating his wife, but the woman later claimed that she would have been happy with an order limiting the beatings to only one per week. "Beating is a part of his nature," she said, "and he can't help it." The man said, "If I do not beat her, she will not be scared enough to obey me." What a jerk!
Chuck Colson told the story of Marleen, a Christian woman who sought help from her preacher because her husband was abusing her. "Last week," she said, "he knocked me down and kicked me. He broke one of my ribs." Marleen's preacher responded that the problem came because Marleen was not being submissive enough and told her that she should go home and submit and that would solve the problem. Two weeks later, Marleen was dead, killed by an abusive husband who was one of the deacons in the church. That preacher was a jerk!
When it came to women, Samson was a jerk.
Samson judged women solely on the basis of their appearance. In Judges 14:1-2 (NIV), Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. When he returned, he said to his father and mother, "I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife." If it seems like Samson is moving pretty quickly, then you'll really like vs. 7 in the same chapter: "Then he went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her." Samson had already decided to marry the girl before he had the first conversation with her. It was enough that she was pretty. Many a man has made that mistake, judging a book by it's cover, instead of remembering that in 1 Petter 3:4, the Bible teaches women: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." Intelligence, an amiable spirit, a sense of humor, common sense, and compassion are much more important to a good marriage than mere good looks.
Samson took out his frustration with others on his wife. Like a man who has a bad day at work and comes home and kicks the dog and yells at his wife, Samson gets mad when his wedding guests cheated and solved a riddle by threatening his wife. Rather than understanding that the woman was also a victim, Samson walked away from the wedding. The woman's father found another man for her to marry.
Not knowing that, Samson later returned and headed for his "wife's" room. Her father stopped Samson and told him that she had been given to another man. There's more to the story, but the part that reveals Samson's character has already occurred: Samson brought a goat for a gift and headed for the woman's room. He wanted sex. He'd brought a goat. What more could a woman want?
A lot, actually! In 1 Peter 3:7 the Apostle writes, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." Consideration, respect and understanding go a long way toward satisfying a woman in marriage. Please and thank you don't stop just because you said, "I do," so use your manners. Listen to her opinions. Express appreciation for good meals, clean clothes and a comfortable home and quality time. Play with your kids. Change a diaper occasionally. Share her burdens without trying to fix everything (She can probably fix it herself. She just needs to vent. Let her!) Make sure she takes care of herself while she takes care of everyone else. Treasure her and treat her like she is a gift God placed in your life.
Why? How about the reason Peter gives: "So that nothing will hinder your prayers"? A man's spiritual life and his marriage can't be separated because one affects the other. There's an old saying that proclaims, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." That includes God! So make God happy. Don't be a jerk!