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As recently as the 1970s, cohabitation (living together before marriage) was not considered to be "proper" and only 0.2% of couples engaged in the practice. In recent years, however, the pendulum has swung dramatically the other way, with something over 70% (one study from 2015-2019 reported 76%) of couples choosing to cohabitate before marriage currently. Economic factors sometimes contribute to the decision to live together, but many couples consider moving in together simply as a "trial run" toward marriage. "Let's see how this works," they figure, "because there's no point in going through the cost and trouble of divorce if we're not right for each other."
The statistics, however, do not support this line of reasoning. Researchers Barbara Defoe Whitehead and David Popenoe from Rutgers University wrote, "The belief that living together before marriage is a useful way to find out whether you really get along and thus avoid a bad marriage and an eventual divorce is now widespread among young people. But the available data does not confirm that belief. In fact, a substantial body of evidence indicates that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage." Specifically, according to the Institute for Family Studies, "34% of marriages ended among those who cohabited before being engaged, compared to 23% of marriages for those who lived together only after being either married or engaged to be married. In relative terms, the marriages of those who moved in together before being engaged were 48% more likely to end than the marriages of those who only cohabited after being engaged or already married."
The increased risk of divorce for couples who cohabitate paints only part of the picture. Researchers from the University of Virginia, the University of Texas and the University of Chicago note that "Couples who live together, on average, report relationships of lower quality than do married couples, with cohabitors reporting more conflict, more violence and lower rates of satisfaction and commitment.
Sociologists produce the statistics but struggle to explain the reasons behind the unsuccessful experiment of cohabitation. Theologians, however, are ready to explain that God intended marriage to be a covenant relationship based on a couple's commitment to do life together. Genesis 2:24 (NIV) reads, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." The Hebrew word for "united" in this text can also be translated "knit together as one unit" with his wife.
Cohabiting couples often lack that commitment. Consider what some of the "gentlemen" privately told researchers when asked why they chose to cohabit rather than getting married: "I can get all the sex I want without marriage. As my grandma used to say, 'Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?'" "I don't want the financial pitfalls of divorce." "Marriage would demand too many changes and compromises." Perhaps most telling of all: "I don't want to marry my girlfriend because I'm waiting for my 'true love' to come along." Men choose to cohabitate for selfish reasons that show little concern for the women they live with, so ladies, you might not want to move in with a guy who treats you that callously!
Hebrews 13:4 reads, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." "Marriage should be honored by all" hints at the fact that others may be affected by a couple's failure to take the covenant of marriage seriously. The researchers from the Universities of Virginia, Texas and Chicago reported that, when couples divorce or fail to marry, it increases their children's risk of school failure and makes them more likely to experience poverty than children of married parents. Children who grow up outside of an intact marriage are also more likely to divorce or become unwed parents themselves.
When marriage is honored by all, research reveals that it results in better health and lower rates of injury, illness and disability for both men and women. Married women also have a lower risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
The bottom line? Cohabitation isn't a good "trial run" for marriage, and may actually contribute to the failure of a relationship. God knew what He was doing when He designed the process of a man and woman spending a lifetime together in a mutually committed, covenant relationship. God's way always works best!