Trending
On March 2, 2010, a 15-year-old Lower Paxton, PA, girl was stopped by police at 1:30 in the morning as she tried to back a stolen car onto an entrance ramp for I-81. When arrested, the girl lied about her age and provided a false identity. Once police sorted out the truth, the girl and the 3 friends with her were charged with auto theft. Commenting on that news story, one blogger wrote, "Come on, kids will be kids. For all you know, the parents are the actual thieves, coaching their kids to take the car." Another person commented and said, "Ah, they just be kids, man. We all did dat all the time grown [sic] up."
"Kids will be kids." Some mischief should be expected as children grow and test their boundaries. But is it appropriate to dismiss teenage auto theft by saying, "Kids will be kids"? Is that even an acceptable excuse when a 7-year-old is sent to school detention for talking in class, or when a toddler throws a temper tantrum?
Children must learn respect for authority as they grow. In the 10 Commandments, primarily intended for adults, God said, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12, NIV). The serious nature of the command is reflected in the severity of the punishment. Deuteronomy 21:18-21 instructs (and remember, this is about older teens and adult children, not youngsters): "If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard." Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid."
Parents shouldn't fear parenting. In his book, Parenting Isn't for Cowards, psychologist Dr. James Dobson tells about a woman with a 6-month-old baby who called her pediatrician. When the doctor asked if her baby was running a fever, the mother said, "I don't know. I think so, but he won't let me insert the thermometer." When a baby controls his mom, the future for that family doesn't look bright!
Dobson said that the battle for control usually begins at about 15-months-old. A parent will know when it's time to take action, because the child told to do something will respond forcefully with the word, "NO!" At that moment, the child is testing the waters and asking, "Who's in charge here?" Wise parents recognize that they must win that battle. Parents who are overruled by a toddler's tantrums will not enjoy the atmosphere in their home when the toddler becomes a teen. Battles over bedtimes and TV and toys may not seem all that significant, but they foreshadow coming battles over friends, alcohol and sexual activity. The teen who can challenge and cross those boundaries is headed for a lifetime of trouble and will break parental hearts; those early battles must be won.
The battle is not won by volume, logical reasoning, anger or intimidation. In their work, Parenting: Getting It Right, Andy and Sandra Stanley state their belief that when a parent begins to argue or negotiate with a child, they have placed themselves on an equal playing field with the child and the battle is already lost. Parents win the battle by remaining in their role as parents. In a study performed by Health Canada, Canada's national health service, Barbara Cottrell writes, "Terrified parents should stop treating their offspring as friends and equals and begin to act as the loving authority figures they are supposed to be...Parents should set clear limits for their children and enforce them resolutely." Parents should enforce their decisions by quietly and firmly taking action. Timeouts, earlier bedtimes, lost privileges and even spanking convey that "You cannot disobey authority without facing unpleasant consequences." Reasonable consequences, delivered consistently by loving parents, teach respect for authority and lay the foundation for a lifetime of peaceful living. Proverbs 22:6 counsels, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."