An old Chinese proverb says, “One who pursues revenge should dig two graves.” Anger and the accompanying desire for revenge poisons the life of the angry person, and this is true even when other words like “hurt,” “frustrated” or “irritated” are used because we don’t like to describe ourselves as “angry.” Psychologist Paul Meier says that 95% of the cases of depression that he treats in his clinic come from repressed anger at oneself or others.

Anger is a normal reaction to being hurt, and it’s also quite normal to wish ill upon those who hurt us. Even some of the Psalms are classified as “Imprecatory Psalms,” psalms that express the anger we feel when someone hurts us and our yearning for justice. Psalm 109:7-12 (NIV), for example, records the thoughts of one who has been wounded by the lies and gossip of an enemy and deeply desires to see his enemy punished: “When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him. May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership. May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes. May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor. May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children.” Nice, happy thoughts, aren’t they?

Not nice! But honest. Those words come from one who has been deeply hurt. Note, however, that the psalmist appeals to God for justice; he doesn’t take matters into his own hands. Revenge is not ours to take. “Do not take revenge, my dear friends,” Paul writes in Romans 12:19, “but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. God’s justice will always be measured perfectly. In Deuteronomy 32:34-35, God promises to punish wrongdoing: “Have I not kept this in reserve and sealed it in my vaults? It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.”

While God’s people leave revenge in His capable hands, they accept the challenge to forgive and overcome evil with good. After instructing Christians to “leave room for God’s wrath” in Romans 12:19, the Apostle Paul continues, “On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Forgiving and blessing those who hurt us feels awkward and unnatural at first; in fact, it’s quite hard! But forgiveness makes the world a better place and makes us better people.

Victoria Ruvolo was driving to her niece’s voice recital on November 12, 2004, when she met an oncoming car full of teenagers piloted by Ryan Cushing. The teens had used a stolen credit card to buy a frozen turkey and decided to toss it into oncoming traffic as a joke. The turkey crashed through Victoria Ruvolo’s windshield and crushed her face. Ten hours of surgery was required to put Ruvolo’s face back together with titanium plates and wire mesh and, when Ruvolo went home, she still had a tracheotomy. Healing required months of therapy and rehab. Meanwhile, the case had been solved and Cushing was taken to court. Ruvolo attended the trial and the sentencing hearing and asked the judge for leniency. Then she addressed Cushing: “Despite all the fear and the pain, I’ve learned from this horrific experience, and I have much to be thankful for. Each day, when I wake up, I thank God simply because I’m alive. I sincerely hope you have learned from this awful experience, Ryan. There is no room for vengeance in my life and I do not believe a long, hard prison term would do you or me or society any good. I truly hope that by demonstrating compassion and leniency, I have encouraged you to seek an honorable life. If my generosity will help you mature into a responsible, honest man…then I will be truly gratified and my suffering will not have been in vain. Ryan, prove me right!”

Later, Ruvolo and Cushing worked together in a program created by the Suffolk County Probation Department to teach young people about responsibility and forgiveness.

Mark Wilmoth is with Pinehurst Christian Church in Marietta and can be reached at Minister@PinehurstChristianChurch.org