Hi, my name is Mark and I’m a control freak. I’d like to make myself sound a little better and say that a different way, perhaps, something like, “Hi, my name is Mark and I am a perfectionist who likes to get things right. Word games, however, wouldn’t change the fact: I am a control freak. Since I’m confessing here, let me continue and admit: I’m scared. Scared of what will happen if things get out of control. Afraid that I will disappoint others and disgust myself if I don’t get everything right. Fearful of the rejection I’ll experience when people discover how imperfect I can be (like they don’t know already!). Fear of failure and its consequences pushes me to keep everything under control and make sure it’s “right.”

Let me tell you, it’s exhausting to try to get everything right. I feel like a juggler trying to keep all the balls going, not able to lose concentration for a moment lest one fall. It’s not that I don’t want to sleep at night; it’s just that there are so many ways to drop a ball. I’ve got to pay attention, right?

But focus won’t really help. I’ll still mess up. So, in my wiser moments I remind myself of God’s truth. It’s distressing, sometimes scary, but also comforting.

The truth? I am not in control. I never have been and I never will be. I can’t guarantee anyone’s safety or success, even my own. Only by the grace of God will I draw another breath. James, the half-brother of Jesus, tells the truth when he writes (James 4:13-15, NIV), “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

The truth? God is always in control. One need only examine the life and times of Judas Iscariot to see that truth in action. In John 6:64, Jesus told his disciples, “…there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him.” As Passover time approached, Jesus knew what Judas was planning, so he made arrangements to eat the Passover with the disciples by giving cryptic instructions to Peter and John about where to set up, keeping the location a secret from Judas until the last minute. At the Passover supper, Jesus let Judas know that his evil plans were known. In Luke 22:21, Jesus told the disciples: “…the hand of him who is going to betray me is with mine on the table.” Jesus showed John who the betrayer would be: “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot” (John 13:26). Jesus even told Judas himself: “What you are about to do, do quickly” (John 13:27).

Control freaks must notice the contrast here. To the rest of the disciples, it’s going to feel like everything is spiraling out of control. They will see Jesus arrested, given a sham trial and then executed on a cross like a common criminal. Peter will surprise himself with his denials, and Judas’ treachery will become known. By nightfall on Friday night, the disciples must have been asking themselves: “What went wrong? How could everything go south so quickly?” A week that began with Jesus riding in a parade and being praised as the Messiah now ends in his death. How did that happen so fast?

Reading the story nearly 2000 years later, we know the truth: Nothing was ever out of God’s control. Everything went exactly according to plan. Friday’s crucifixion became Sunday’s resurrection.

Our job, when life feels scary and out of control, is to remember what Jesus prayed that night in Gethsemane. As the disciples slept and the soldiers approached, Jesus prayed the prayer he taught his disciples to pray, “Your will be done.” Author Jan Karon calls that “the prayer that never fails.” It’s the right prayer for control freaks. God’s will is always best!