In the twenties, humans develop their sense of personal identity, set some of their goals for life and begin to find their place as adults in a topsy-turvy world. Sociologists generally list 5 markers that indicate an entrance into adulthood: (1) completing school, (2) moving out, (3) financial independence, (4) marriage and (5) having children. But today’s “twenty-somethings” are sometimes ridiculed for “prolonged adolescence” because they are pushing these markers further into adulthood. For example, in 1980, the median age for marriage was 24.7 years for men, and 22.0 years for women. Today, the U.S. Census Bureau reports the average age for marriage for first marriage is 30.2 for men and 28.6 for women.

Dr. Meg Jay, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, is considered to be an expert on young adulthood. She authored a book entitled The Twentysomething Treatment: A Revolutionary Remedy for an Uncertain Age and has one of the most-watched TED Talks on the same subject. Notice Jay’s word “uncertain.” Jay reports that the average young adult will hold 9 different jobs before the age of 35. The average young adult is struggling financially. Young adults are in the loneliest time of life, with 50% of young adults being single and 50% reporting that they have no close friends. Over 50% of young adults say that they have not yet discovered their purpose or direction for life. One in four is taking a prescription mental health medication, which Dr. Jay calls being “overmedicated and over diagnosed.” Not surprisingly, the twenties are when adults seem most vulnerable to negative addictions like alcohol or porn.

Obviously, the decisions that most impact the quality and direction of life should be made by those whose life it is! No one in western culture wants someone else to choose their life’s work or their life-mate. No one wants their life to be controlled by others. Freedom is a cherished principle and any limitations imposed on personal freedom will be met with a solid and determined resistance.

Still, minister and author Tyler McKenzie notes that “there is no such thing as pure self-determination.” Despite our desire to be in control of our own lives, all of us are shaped by people and experiences outside of ourselves, whether by the harsh realities of the job market or an internal pressure to conform created through social media. And, as modern culture has removed the scaffolding of biblical morality and ethics from personal growth, it has become more and more difficult for young people to make good choices about who they want to be and whom they want to please.

We could improve our society and ease the burden for these young adults if we rebuilt some of that supportive scaffolding that has been torn down. First, let’s remember that we are not totally free to choose our own direction in life. God, our Creator, has imposed some limits on our behavior and attitudes. When making choices, we must understand that free will carries with it enormous responsibility. Humans are not free to cross moral boundaries, hurt other people or advance our own agenda without considering the rights and needs of others. Many of the choices that can cause great pain and change one’s entire direction in life – choices like living together outside of marriage or using addictive substances or advancing one’s career at the expense of others – would be made for us if we acknowledged God’s right to rule over our behavior.

Second, every human being on the planet must understand that our true identity comes from the Creator, not from self-determination. If our identity is rooted only in our feelings and desires, then we’re going to be ruled by the emotion of the moment or the tenor of the last remark we heard (Did we get a compliment or a dressing down?). We’ll be subject to wild swings between arrogance and self-flagellation. But if we remember that we are specially created in the image of God, that our true value is reflected in the fact that Jesus loved us enough to die for us and that God Himself strongly desires to spend all of eternity with us, then the changing winds of popularity and culture can never disrupt our sense of well-being. We’ll maintain inner peace, knowing that our worth isn’t dependent on the assessment of our critics and our place in eternity isn’t determined by cultural fads.

Mark Wilmoth is with Pinehurst Christian Church in Marietta. For more information regarding Pinehurst Christian Church, visit www.PinehurstChristianChurch.org.